


Gender Equality in Metaphors

by misura



Category: Cable and Deadpool
Genre: Love Triangles, Missing Scene, Multi, Relationship Negotiation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-08
Updated: 2015-03-08
Packaged: 2018-03-16 23:36:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3506813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"No, see, you're the girl here, Nate," Wade explained.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gender Equality in Metaphors

"Let's you and I throw down right now, sister!" Wade said, striking a pose that reminded Cable of nothing so much as a slightly demented flamingo.

The costume didn't help, of course.

"Wade," he said. An ordinary man might be working his way up to a headache right now. Cable wondered what it said about him that his headaches manifested like a mix between a homicidal rage and a strong temptation to descend into hysterical giggling.

"No, you stay out of this, Nate! This is between me and her."

Cable considered the room. The new furniture. Irene had picked it out, he vaguely remembered. She wouldn't actually complain to him out loud if he were to allow it to be destroyed, but she'd still feel something. "Don't you think maybe I'm involved in this, too? Just a little bit?"

Dom, to her credit, hadn't moved. Cable decided to take it as a good sign.

"No, see, you're the girl here, Nate," Wade explained. " _My_ girl, to be precise. And I don't like to share. I mean, hey, why would I need to, anyway? Guys like you are a dime a dozen, am I right?"

"You might want to settle on a gender for me and stick to it."

"It's a whatchammacallit," Wade said. "I mean, I _know_ you have little boy parts under there."

"A metaphor?" Cable suggested.

"Seriously? Not even a small glare at the suggestion you might be a bit under-sized in the manhood department? Have you secretly turned into a girl after all? Am I suddenly going to find myself part of a superhot lesbian threesome? Because I gotta tell you, I might actually be up for that."

"If you'd like me to turn you into a girl, I'm sure I could give it the old college try," Cable said blandly. "Mentally, at least. Physically, it might be a little bit trickier."

"You wouldn't."

"I might."

"You wouldn't," Wade repeated, although he sounded a little dubious now, which slightly stung.

Still, the important thing was that Wade was focusing on _him_ rather than Dom. That was good. Cable didn't think Wade would actually hurt Dom - or vice versa, but, well, the furniture.

Plus, accidents did happen. "How about we agree that you're not going to do anything that would make you find out which one of us was right?"

"That kind of sounds reasonable." Wade grimaced. "I'm not sure if you've noticed, but 'reasonable' isn't really the way I usually do things, Nate. In fact, most of the time, I'd say I'm downright _un_ reasonable - and let's face it, there's no real reason for me to break that pattern here. I mean, this is big stuff we're talking about here."

Cable grinned. "I agree."

Dom elbowed him. Hard. Cable didn't turn his head. Wade was kind of like a raving, mouth-frothing maniac that way: if you were the first to break eye-contact, he'd take it as a weakness.

"I can take him," she said softly, if not quite softly enough.

"Hey now, if anyone's going to be taking anyone, it'll be me taking Nate," Wade said. "I mean, what kind of guy do you think I am, huh? Sure, they've got all this amazing sort of stuff right now, but you're never going to convince me it can be anything like the real thing. Nu-uh."

"That's not what you said two weeks ago."

Wade gasped. "Nate! For shame! And here I thought you were a gentleman, not some ... some guy who kisses and tells."

"I wasn't planning on telling her about our kissing," Cable said. "Just the other stuff."

"Oh, boo. The letter but not the spirit, huh? How about if _I_ tell her about what _you're_ like in your moments of weakness, huh? How'd you like _that_?"

Cable briefly closed his eyes. There were appointments, meetings, decisions. A handful of minor crises.

"Wade. She already knows." It felt strangely like he was admitting to something. Something he should, if not feel ashamed of, then at the very least apologize for.

A ridiculous notion, it went without saying: Wade had as much use for an apology as he had for a subscription to Sports Weekly. Less, probably.

"She ... " Wade opened his mouth and closed it again. "Tell me it's because she's your ex, Nate."

"I've been doing my best not to lie to you these past months," Cable said carefully. "At least, no more than is necessary."

"Oh," Wade said. His voice sounded very small. "Is this just your way of making sure I don't skewer her? Because if it is, I gotta tell you, Nate, that's a pretty low trick. Even for you."

 _Even for me?_ "It's not a trick, Wade."

"Oh," Wade said, again, but Cable could hear he was working himself up to anger now. Which was good; Cable didn't think he'd actually be able to deal with a Wade who was genuinely, sincerely hurt, but also bad, because, well, angry people tended to commit acts of violence. "I see. So that's how it is, huh? You and her, and no more you and me?"

Dom cleared her throat. "If you think for a moment that I'd agree to a threesome with _you_ , you're demented."

Cable felt the room spin. Metaphorically. Because Dom meant - but this was _Wade_.

"We-ell, I _have_ been told my grasp on sanity is a bit tremulous," Wade said. "Not to say non-existent. And, I mean, I'm not usually that kind of boy, but if we threw down like manly men, it might make Nate go all sad and mopey again, and who wants _that_ , right? I mean, he might even cry."

"Unlikely," Cable said.

"That's not the same as impossible."

"Nate?" Dom looked a little annoyed. A little angry. A _lot_ like she felt this whole thing was entirely _his_ fault, which was fair enough - or would have been, if he'd actually foreseen this happening. Still, that was the way of things, wasn't it? You foresaw the end of the world.

You didn't foresee, well, _this_ kind of stuff.

"Perhaps the two of you could work out a timeshare or something. I'm sorry, but I'm busy. I don't have time for this sort of small stuff. You kids just figure it out between the two of you - and try not to destroy too much of the furniture. It's Irene's."

It was a gamble, but he'd known Dom for a long time - and Wade, well ... he'd always been easily distracted.

"Hey, is _she_ in on this, too? Have you actually been triple-timing me?"

"No and no." Irene wasn't suited for his kind of life, Cable'd always known that. It hadn't stopped him from taking advantage of her feelings, of course, but that was between him and his conscience.

Dom glanced at him, but her expression didn't suggest she didn't believe him, so Cable decided to drop the topic of Irene and return Wade to the problem at hand.

"I value both of you equally." Dom looked a little bit shocked now; Wade looked ... like Wade. "That said, I will not take kindly to one of you skewering or otherwise harming the other. You're both mature, sensible people." Well, Dom was, anyway. More or less. "I have faith in your ability to find a compromise that suits both of you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting to attend to."

Dom glared at Wade. Wade glared at Cable.

"Do you know how humiliating it's going to be for me to get beaten up by a girl?"

Cable felt something in him relax. "If you ask nicely, I'm sure she'll agree to keep it a secret, Wade."

"Oh, sure. And what's that going to cost me, huh? Bet you she's going to ask for all your Friday nights. No more karaoke, Nate. No more all-you-can-eat jumbo shrimp buffet. No more snuggling at the late night movie theater with a bucket of popcorn."

Dom's expression suggested she wanted to either throw up or punch someone. Cable smiled at her.

"She'll be reasonable, Wade. She's my girl, too, after all."

He almost made it through the doors before he heard Wade ask from behind him:

"What do you mean, 'too'?"

**Author's Note:**

> the thing is, basically, that I ship all of it - Cable/Deadpool, Cable/Domino _and_ Cable/Irene
> 
> I'd like to think this says more about Cable than it does about me


End file.
